receipt for bones and one soul, bought with credit

Daily installations of poetry from my personal stockpiles.  Comments are very, very welcome.


receipt for bones and one soul, bought with credit

while busily busting up my body
during decisions of the past
frying my skull or worse, rehearsing stunts, unqualified
ignoring
ignoring the tugs and pulls of important issues,
I checked the box marked
BILL ME LATER
and didn't care.
I loved and lived for BILL ME LATER.
later is nothing if
today means nothing, I meant nothing, needed no LATER to lean upon, hope upon,
feast upon, had no future endeavers to plan.
i ran.
fast forward to later, the later of now, to a life meaning something, everything, I have so much, and
bills pile high, body sighs and chimes in,
opinionated, of the thought that I do not get to complain.
broken as I am.
BILL ME LATER flashes across my mind as I laugh and creak and
bend my broken back.  I do not even remember all I bought.
Yes, yes, I know.  I learned so much.  I learned, I know.  The strength bestowed when tests are wickedly well-written, repeated, scale-graded
proctored by honor system yielding strength immense and unshakable.
Grateful, graced, thankful, blessed.         but in the sharp moments when joints lock and brain fogs,
I wish she had paid at the time of purchase, just for a moment I wish she
hadn't shopped at all.
How strange to wish she hadn't bought it all even as I thrive off the score.  I hate and love that store.
broken but not.  delighted and bankrupt.

1.23.2013 ©SaraElizabethMcNeilly