ten minute timer

Set a timer for ten minutes, set it down.
Listen to the inside of your head, write it down.
Calm your heart down, settle your ass down - sit on the ground.

Refusing to do what lights you from the inside becomes
more painful the longer you do it, the more you push it down,
the more it digs it claws in like a kitten climbing your pant leg -

the kitten
doesn't know it is a small cat, doesn't know it's a pet, just wants to get to you, wants to climb, wants to
see from where you are, is who he is right now, all ego and claws like tiny needles.

I would like to lie and say that I do not know the whys...
I would like to say that I can't write because I don't have time.  I would like to tell you I can't write because I can't focus my brain can't get things in line can't afford the time can't put pen to paper...
I can't because I am held in by words, wrapped up tightly like pa pier mache' laid down and glued down
word wrapper tight like a mummy, kept to myself

Keep it to yourself.  No one wants to know, no one wants to hear.
There is no money in writing.
There is no point - we all have a story, every story can't mean something...

She asks the God of the Universe what she should do for a living.  She asks
what side of herself she shall show her children, what example to set.  She asks, knowing the answer, and knowing that that there will be no time clock, no guaranteed pay, no time clock

nothing to hold her together but her own skin, words begin to peal off like old wallpaper and

I don't know if I should be telling you this, but for someone who talks a lot, talks so much it annoys people and they make fun of her for talking talking talking, for someone who never shuts her mouth...

enough talk.  talk makes liars, so I will keep writing until I can use my words, toddler language, I will
set a timer for ten minutes and sit on the ground.  (sea 4/5/2013)